My Unruly Garden

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Embrace Your Heart’s Banana Slug (Sacred Design)
(Note: Writing from July 20, 2025 when I was living on the south coast of Oregon.)

Shortly after moving out west, I stumbled upon the Pacific Banana Slug.

Every single time this creature slides across my path, I learn a new fun fact about its sacred design. This metaphorical rabbit hole I’ve fallen down has been endlessly intriguing.

With each encounter, this endearing slug has made me feel all the feels, while inspiring me to embrace my own sacred design—
- I’ve laughed aloud hysterically, listening to a zoologist talk through one of their bizarre rituals (I’ll let you dig up that unique gem on your own).
- I’ve had my mind blown while learning about the subtle nuances behind their versatile slime—it’s an adhesive, it’s a lubricant, and it can absorb large amounts of water.
- I’ve even cried standing in a coast redwood forest, reading about their role in the broader ecosystem. They are a staunch defender of the redwood seedlings, devouring the vegetation that tries to stifle their growth.
With every fascinating fact, I’ve stood in awe at how God continues to use this unique creature to provide a new perspective or nugget of wisdom that I needed in the moment.

Embrace your sacred design

As God has me in a season where He is rewilding “My Unruly Garden” (my heart space), this creature has encouraged me to embrace the hidden, and at times not so hidden, eccentric layers of my raw authentic self.

rewild

re·wild (ˌ)rē-ˈwī(-ə)ld

to return to a more natural or wild state : to make or become natural or wild again

From its quirky rituals to its versatile slime, the banana slug reminds us that even the most overlooked parts of God’s creation are marked with a sacred design—and so are we.

Culture rewards polish, packaging, monotony — But God rewards obedience to aligning with who He created us to be. He’s a wildly creative God who planted unique treasures that are hidden within the deepest layers of our heart space. He made us wonderfully unique. And overtime this world subtly layers on masks of protection to tuck those treasures away. To hide our heart’s banana slug.

“Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139‬:‭14‬ ‭NLT‬‬

While navigating my current walk with God to peel back these layers of worldly conditioning, I’m observing how those surface layers are a packaged façade that mimics “authenticity” but isn’t our raw, authentic, god-given design. We created those false masks to fit in, to survive the harsh critics of humanity, or to hide our core wounds.

It’s hard to fully embody who He created us to be when the world often works against it. Judging us, mislabeling us, misinterpreting us.

So we tell ourselves our masks we wear for protection are authentic, but when you spend time truly examining the mask, you realize it’s simply a more acceptable plastic label society created to hide our vulnerable, unique aspects that were shamed, judged, or damaged over time. And it takes time to peel back and discard these masks, unearthing and fighting for our raw authentic relics that are buried treasure in a world that drives you to fit in.

Fight for your raw authenticity

Did you know the students at UC Santa Cruz fought for five years for their school mascot to be the banana slug? They resonated with this odd, yet endearing creature. The administration wanted sea lions, an animal considered more acceptable at sporting events. But the students stood their ground and cheered for their inner banana slug. And after a solid five-year fight they won over the administration. I love a good underdog story!

As I’m in a season of fighting for my own inner banana slug, this story made my soul sing. Because it’s not just about a mascot—it’s about refusing to conform to the patterns and behaviors that make up the status quo of this world.

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭12‬:‭2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Sing your quirky, unruly notes

So today, friend—Stop hiding your heart’s banana slug. Those quirky little characteristics are the unruly notes that will sing to others as you walk your unique path.

And if no one else wants to listen to your heart’s weird little song, I do.

From My Unruly Garden to yours, I’ll be over here singing with you in the wild, loving every bit of it.

Devotional Prompt:

What part of your God-given identity have you been tucking away to fit in? What quirky gift is waiting to shine in your Unruly Garden (your heart space)?
February 25, 2026
Our Nation of Dry Bones Is Rattling: Are We Tending a Grave or a Garden?

In the midst of today’s National Shutdown, I’m resurrecting this image from my conceptual art portfolio, “Dry Bones (Ezekiel 37),” which began in 2023, as I was examining how God’s love was restoring areas of spiritual decay in the hidden places of my heart, which I call “My Unruly Garden.”

Today’s blog post turns outward, examining the broader “Unruly Garden” of our nation, with a focus on restoration and hope, amid the spiritual decay of fear that threads through current events.

Our nation’s spiritual decay of fear has led some to oppress the very people God calls us to love.

“He shows love to the foreigners living among you and gives them food and clothing. So you, too, must show love to foreigners, for you yourselves were once foreigners in the land of Egypt.”

Deuteronomy 10:18–19 (NLT)

Spiritual decay is produced when we eat the “decoy” fruit that is masking as “good” fruit. In other words, when we choose to eat the fruit of fear and apathy, over faith and love. And the more you eat the decoy fruit, the more spiritually blind you become.

I’m focusing today’s post on the fallout of fear and its effect on those we should be caring for—the foreigners, the poor, and the oppressed.

Fear has become a driving force in our national story—one often muted by the white noise of comfort and complacency. But ignoring it doesn’t silence it. It only makes it louder.

As I’ve watched events unfold in Minneapolis in recent weeks, I was drawn back to the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. While a different tragedy, the same spiritual decay of fear ran through the response. Vulnerable neighbors were portrayed as violent “criminals,” cast as threats from whom first responders needed protection.

I revisited my journal from August 13, 2025, when I watched Episode 4 of Hurricane Katrina: Race Against Time (2025). It rocked my soul then—and it does again now, as we witness the same thread playing out in Minneapolis (and countless other events).

A reporter described the scene at the New Orleans Convention Center:

“These people haven’t seen security here for four days. The fear was that they would turn violent—that they would attack supplies and buses. And look at them.”

(The camera pans across people who are weary, exhausted, malnourished, yet sitting quietly.)

“They’re sitting peacefully. They’re just waiting for a ride that’s taking too long to come.”

In the next scene, retired U.S. Army Lieutenant General Russel L. Honoré, who commanded the Joint Task Force for Katrina, responds:

“I call that the patience of the poor. I grew up that way. You learn to wait. When you’re poor, you lose choices. You don’t pick where your kids go to school. You don’t pick where you live. And you don’t pick where you go to the doctor—if you can get to see one.”

Foreigners in this country are navigating the same reality. Instead of being treated as image-bearers of God, they are treated like criminals. And the narrative driving this distortion is the same one we’ve seen before: fear.

God does not give us a spirit of fear. He gives us a spirit of love.

Fear is not truth. Fear separates us from truth.

These are foundational biblical realities—yet the enemy is skilled in subtlety. He flips the script just enough to normalize death, while disguising it as protection.

The enemy dupes us into tending graves when God calls us to tend gardens.

God’s way restores the broken and cultivates life.

The enemy’s way breaks the broken and produces death.

So the question remains: When will enough be enough?

These current events feel reminiscent of Ezekiel’s “Valley of Dry Bones.” We hear the rattling and assume fear means resurrection is no longer possible—while God waits for His people to call out to Him and speak life.

God, breathe life into this nation of dry bones!

“Then he said to me, “Son of man, these bones represent the people of Israel. They are saying, ‘We have become old, dry bones—all hope is gone. Our nation is finished.’ Therefore, prophesy to them and say, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: O my people, I will open your graves of exile and cause you to rise again. . . When this happens, O my people, you will know that I am the Lord.

‭‭Ezekiel‬ ‭37‬:‭11‬-‭13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

What we need is not necessarily louder rhetoric, but a humbler heart posture—one rooted in acts of love, with a servant heart for our vulnerable neighbors—the foreigner, the poor, and the oppressed. And to treat them with dignity and respect, as those created in God’s image.

“And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.”

‭‭Ezekiel‬ ‭36‬:‭26‬ ‭NLT‬‬

As the thorns and thistles of this life (death, injustice, hardship, suffering) arise, as they always do, we have a choice—

Will we tend the grave (fear, apathy) or tend the garden (faith and love)?

One path leads to more destruction and death. The other leads to restoration and life.

January 30, 2026
Welcome to “My Unruly Garden”

Sowing seeds of God’s love through the “thorns and thistles” of this life.

Welcome to the humble beginnings of my ministry, “My Unruly Garden,” in a blog format.

“My Unruly Garden” is the name I’ve given the inner-most chamber of the human heart, where God’s love transforms us, heals us, and gives us hope, as we navigate through the thorns and thistles—pain, suffering, injustice, hardship— of this temporary life. (Hebrews 13:14, Romans 8:18)

Healing in “My Unruly Garden” is a bit messy, yet it provides the nourishment needed to build “A Life That’s Home” with Him, where we find our true authenticity, joy, peace, and alignment. (Proverbs 24:27)

This blog site is a mixed “seed packet” of my soul-expressive artwork, testimony, reflections, journal entries, and prayers, on my ongoing journey that started in 2002, to peel back the layers of our worldly conditioning to understand the complexities and simplicities of learning how to love like God loves.

My hope is that God’s seeds of love that continue to transform ”My Unruly Garden” will also transform yours. (Ephesians 3:17-20)

I’ve had many starts and stops in launching this ministry. My old marketing hat had a hard time letting go, as I spent the past year trying to package the “seeds,” into a more polished, branded, linear version via a book/devotional series, and a nonprofit program.

God kept speaking Habakkuk 2:3– “This vision (nonprofit, book/devotional) is for a future time.” He continued to point me back to step 1 —launch the blog titled, “My Unruly Garden.”

I get it, now—Sometimes you just need to start with some “chaos gardening.”
Plant the blog, scatter the seeds, and see what sprouts.🌱

So without further ado, I invite you into “My Unruly Garden.”

No packaging, no polish, no logo—just raw, authentic content from “My Unruly Garden” to yours.

January 9, 2026
The world edits, God rewilds.

Restoring beauty from our brokenness.

(Writing from June 8, 2025 / Photo taken on June 10, 2025)

Walking into my first floral arrangement class, I had no idea what to expect. In fact, “not sure what to expect” has become my new normal. Moving 3,000 miles away from my hometown in the east coast suburbs to a small town where the redwoods meet the Pacific Ocean has been quite the adventure.

When my instructor looked at one of the flowers in my arrangement, she asked if she could pluck it out and “edit” it. Intrigued, I told her to work her magic— I was curious what “editing” a flower meant. She plucked out a Honeymoon Rose (sourced from her friend’s garden) and proceeded to turn it upside down and gently peeled away the dead, warped petals clinging to its base.

This was a perfect metaphor for my current faith walk. In this season, I’ve felt God plucking out certain dead spots in “My Unruly Garden”, examining them, and then removing the sections that are no longer breathing life into my “arrangement”.

“I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more.”

John 15:1-2 NLT

The instructor points to the Poppy Anemones—What about these? Perplexed, I couldn’t see what she meant. I hand selected those flowers. Sensing my confusion, she clarified—this one is thriving but this other one is missing some petals. Did you want to pluck it out and replace it with a fuller flower?

I looked at it, smiled and said “No, I’m going to keep it. I appreciate its flaws. It adds a true character to the arrangement. After all, isn’t that reflective of the wild variety of nature?” She smiled and said she loved this.

In my rewilding season, I can see how God is orchestrating everything for my good. My past includes the good, the bad, and the ugly of human nature. As He continues to rewild my heart, restoring it to align with His will for my life, I can see how He has used the missing petals to purify and strengthen me.

Nature doesn’t pluck out a flower when a few petals get damaged. It remains firmly planted. Those missing petals tell its story. We don’t need to hide our flaws. They’re part of our character, our resiliency, and our overall beauty.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

Romans 8:28 NLT

As I was arranging, I meditated on why my soul was drawn to that flower. I didn’t see its flaws. Even when she pointed them out, I couldn’t see it for anything but what it was—beautiful, vibrant, unique. The truth is I have always been drawn to the organic, the wild, the authentic.

Somewhere along the lines, I let the world tell me I had to paint over the flaws. During this flower arranging class, I celebrated this moment, because I knew she was back—my authentic self wasn’t hiding anymore because I saw that flower the way God sees me. And the way God sees you. His wonderfully complex, beautifully-broken creation.

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.”

Psalms 139:13-14 NLT

There was a season the world conditioned over those parts of me, but I feel the Lord restoring me. Our surroundings mirror our life. And that flower is a metaphor for how I’ve felt in my deeper-level healing this past year, as we’ve uprooted a lot as I continue to heal in “My Unruly Garden.”

Surrendering and submitting to God’s will feels a lot like the gardening process. We pull out a ton of weeds, plant new seeds, and cultivate the thriving native plants that were there all along. Rolling up my sleeves and digging deep to uproot the invasive species left some residual damage that the Lord is faithfully restoring in His timing.

“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.”

‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3‬:‭1‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Some petals did fall off in this season. Those were the relationships and patterns that were not healthy or authentically aligned. And after navigating the unhealthy relationships and patterns of my past, I do have some warped petals, but they are a reminder of the resiliency that was built. While “My Unruly Garden” may look like a bit of a mess at the moment, the rewilding process always does, I know God’s work in my life right now is preparing the soil of my heart for new growth in this next season.

Is the edited flower beautiful? Of course. But is that flawed Poppy Anemone way more beautifully complex? Absolutely. Those missing and warped petals tell its beautifully-broken story. It’s been through some storms, yet it was still chosen and valued for its true character, its heart that doesn’t always appear on the surface.

“. . . The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.””

1 Samuel 16:7 NLT

I will always hold space for the flaws and mistakes of my past because God used them to craft a unique perspective and a deeper well of empathy so I can see through the flaws to the true character and beauty of the flower. And the reason I can see flawed humans through the same lens.

This entire arrangement — It’s a little wild. It didn’t follow all the rules. But it’s honest. It was carefully curated from my soul. And that beautifully-broken Poppy Anemone was my favorite part of the entire bouquet.

Devotional prompt:

What petals in your life —flawed, missing or warped—tell your story? How have those very imperfections shaped your beauty, resilience, and character? Where might God be editing your arrangement, not to make you perfect, but to reveal the wild beauty beneath?

January 9, 2026
Learning how to love like God loves.

My prayer in 2002 planted the seed of my current ministry.

On August 5, 2002, when I was on my knees crying out to God in desperation, shattered from navigating patterns of abuse I couldn’t name at the time, I prayed this prayer in my journal.

God, I want to surrender my heart to You. . .I need you to show me how my heart is supposed to work. I want to learn how I am supposed to use my heart to love. All kinds of love. Please teach me, Lord. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

23 years later, I now understand the phrase—“Be careful what you pray for.”

Ooof. Even back then I knew learning how to love went beyond the specific situation I was grappling with, yet this was going to be a tall order that would take way longer than a season of heartache to unravel.

This prayer would launch me into a wilderness season that would include 23 years of navigating tests of my faith that would give me the opportunity to learn how to love, all kinds of love.

This would mean, I would have countless opportunities to learn how to love my enemies, as I walked through deep-rooted betrayals, patterns of abuse, manipulated truth, lies against my character, rejection and more.

And all of this would lead to a moment of clarity in 2023, when the “scales fell off my eyes” and I could see more clearly— The enemy was using my “idols” to blind me.

I was chasing love, identity and validation in all of the wrong places, instead of finding it in Jesus, who had been there all along, calling me “home” to Him in the whispers that we miss when the noise of this world (pain, injustice, suffering, hardship, performance pressure) gets loud.

Giving God my whole heart.

When we rest in God’s truth, we learn to love like Jesus loves—from a more healthy place of humility, not a wounded place of pride and shame.

Once I gave God my whole heart, He began uprooting the patterns of pride (judgement) and shame (condemnation) this world conditioned within me, and began cultivating a more humble heart posture (curiosity) so I could learn to love with my whole heart.

“And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations.”

‭‭Ezekiel‬ ‭36‬:‭26‬-‭27‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This process is continuous. We never really get it “right” because the point is to have a relationship with Jesus, allowing Him to mold us, shape us, and form us so we bear Him image more than this world’s.

He has this beautiful, wild, abundant garden for us that unfolds over time, and the enemy makes it his mission to kill, steal and destroy this abundance through subtle decoys.

I had to spend time with God in “My Unruly Garden” (heart space) learning how to love myself first, so I could see myself the way He created me to be; not the way this world conditioned me to be, through years of silent suffering through patterns of abuse; patterns that I can now name after 8 years of counseling and 23 years of God writing my testimony.

And we continue to peel back the layers of conditioning, one painful, yet cathartic petal at a time.

Unearthing the relics of my past.

After I filed for divorce in the summer of 2023, before I even had this theme or project He gave me, I was pouring over old journals to unearth the relics of my past.

My heart wasn’t just in broken pieces; it was pulverized, and I was desperate and exhausted. I needed to figure out why I kept repeating the same cycles.

Why did I keep pouring myself into people who continued to deeply betray me? And I refused to play the victim. I needed to understand this because I knew it was my own decisions and disobedience to God’s instruction that kept leading to my own downfall.

As I read this prayer in my journal entry from 23 years ago, tears began streaming down my face and this led to an uncontrollable wail.

I didn’t have words for it at that point. Looking back, I now know this was Romans 8:26-28 actively unfolding to align me with His will that I am just now discovering 23 years later. Most Christians love verse 28, but I find the most impact in verse 26, because half the time we don’t know what we need, but our Heavenly Father does and the Holy Spirit is our advocate who groans for us in the uncertainty. As I continue to step out in blind faith, I find so much comfort in this, as I rest in God’s love and grace.

“And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

Romans 8:26-28

God’s love for us is beyond comprehension

God’s love and its effect on the human heart is a complexity that I will continue to spend the rest of my life (and ministry) studying.

And I look forward to planting the seeds of God’s love that I’ve collected and, will continue to collect, to learn how to love, all kinds of love.

I leave you with this scripture and my prayer for us:

“And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭3‬:‭18‬-‭19‬ ‭NLT‬‬

From ”My Unruly Garden” to yours,

Stacey

January 9, 2026